|
Post by Amy81 on Aug 24, 2005 7:02:46 GMT -6
"You know?" Amy asked, "All this talk of the past is depressing. I have no future, so what's the point in trying to dredge up forgotten memories?"
"Maybe that's why you are here, at a halfway point" Brie pointed out. "These things are keeping you from completing your journey, just like your father."
Amy shook her head. "I figured I was stuck here cause my mom refused to sign the papers to pull the plug on me."
Brie shook her head. "I don't want to see you go, Amy. More than you'll ever be able to understand. And your mom must feel the same way. But if it's your time, who are we to stand in the way? Try sorting out the things that are painful to you, so when the time comes, if it comes, you can move on."
Amy saw the expression on Brie's face, and drew her close for a hug. "I'd rather just sit here and brood if it's all the same to you."
Brie laughed and pulled away a little. "Same old stubborn Amy!"
"Yeah, I have that streak in me" Amy said, laughing along with her. "If I didn't know better I'd swear I'd gotten it from you!"
|
|
|
Post by Brie on Aug 24, 2005 22:13:20 GMT -6
Brie continued to laugh, realizing that Amy had no idea how true her statement had been. “I’m glad to see that after all the time we've spent together that some of my ‘finer points’ have rubbed off on you.” She sighed. “I’m going to have to go back soon, you know. I’m not supposed to be here.”
“No, you’re not,” Amy agreed.
“I don’t want to go back,” Brie said honestly. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough anymore.”
Amy looked shocked. “Brie, you’re just about the strongest person that I’ve ever known!”
“Not always,” Brie said, shaking her head. “I can’t handle constantly looking over my shoulder, which I’ll have to do for the rest of my life if I go back. I don’t even want to think about the questions I’m going to have to face...”
“What questions?” Amy asked, ignoring the fact that Brie had just stated that she didn’t want to think about them.
“About Pierce,” Brie said, “the mutiny, and the aftermath from it. I told this HUGE story to get your farmer friends to listen to me and somehow the IFB found out about it...I really don’t feel like telling everyone over and over again that I made it up. I’m sick of the whole thing. And everyone that I care about seems to die anyway. My parents, Turner, you.”
“I’m not dead yet.”
Brie smiled again. “Tell you what, I’ll go back if you do.”
“I don’t think I have much of a choice,” Amy remarked.
“It’s not like you’ve never cheated death before,” Brie pointed out. “You and I have both had at least two funerals!”
“Yeah,” Amy said slowly, “but this is different.”
“Maybe if you face whatever happened in your past they’ll let you come back instead of moving on,” Brie suggested.
“Who said that anything happened in my past?” Amy asked. “All I said was that I was having trouble remembering things.”
“We’ve all got dark spots in our pasts,” Brie said, more to herself than Amy. “Places where the hurt is so deep that it gets pushed aside so it doesn’t suffocate us. Things we want to forget, but they just keep nagging at us.”
“Are you talking about Turner or your parents?” Amy asked quietly.
“Neither,” Brie replied. She took a micron to mentally compose herself. “Maybe if you come back with me, I’ll tell you.”
|
|
|
Post by Amy81 on Aug 25, 2005 6:57:17 GMT -6
"I don't think that parts up to me" Amy replied. "It's up to whatever my mom decides to do. 'May the lords guide her' and all that baloney."
Brie looked shocked. "I don't think you should say things like that here!"
"I suppose not!" Amy replied laughing.
|
|
|
Post by Brie on Aug 25, 2005 13:29:17 GMT -6
As Brie sat with her dear friend, a wave of regret ran through her. Amy’s life had not turned out like Brie had hoped when handing her over to Abby all those yahrens ago. Brie had wanted to give Amy a family, a decent place to grow up, and safe environment as far away from the war as possible in the fleet. That didn’t seem to be the case. Amy had never been happy, not with her parents and not on the Agro Ship. The warrior’s blood still flowed within her veins.
What if Brie hadn’t given her up? Could she have raised a child, being a child herself? What if she had never become a warrior? Could Amy have been happy with her? She had always promised herself that she would never ask those questions, but now they were nagging her.
Brie looked at Amy. “If you could go back and change some important decisions that you’ve made, would you?”
|
|
|
Post by Amy81 on Aug 28, 2005 12:33:40 GMT -6
"Well" Amy replied after a little thought, "I guess it'd be easy to say I'd change things, considering how it all turned out. I mean, I didn't even get through my twenties, did I?" She smiled, but could see that Brie wanted a serious answer.
"Brie" Amy said, "I could not have stayed on that Agro ship any longer than I did. It was not for me. I knew that it wasn't. The pull of the stars was too strong. I needed to be out there, defending the fleet, not getting my hands dirty digging in the soil, knowing that if I dug deep enough I'd hit metal. I didn't belong there."
"Was it because of your family that you felt that way?" Brie asked. "Being at odds with Elmer, not getting any support from your mom..."
"I'm sure it added to it all" Amy admitted. "It wasn't the most nurturing of experiences." She looked up, as if for help. "It's so hard to explain this. I knew there were kids worse off than me, without one parent or both parents. And here I was, having both but feeling like I had neither! Is that crazy or what?"
|
|
|
Post by Brie on Aug 29, 2005 7:50:33 GMT -6
“From what I’ve heard, that actually sounds like a ‘normal’ childhood,” Brie said. “The way that it’s supposed to be. Not getting along with your parents, wanting something different than what they have planned...I wouldn’t know anything about that, having grown up in an orphanage.”
Amy looked slightly embarrassed. “Brie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...”
Brie shook her head. “Don’t be sorry. I always ended up in these ‘special programs.’ First it was a special orphanage, run by the military, for military orphans who supposedly had a future in the military. Then I ended up in an experimental pre-Academy program, run by the military, for future military leaders. I sometimes get so sick of the fracking military. I was never given a choice.”
“So let me ask you,” Amy started, “If you could go back and change some important decisions that you’ve made, would you?”
Brie was silent for several microns, remembering the only time that she held Amy as a newborn. “There’s only one decision that I’ve ever made that I can say without a doubt was the right one. That was Turner. Ironically, certain people in the military told me that it was the wrong decision. And it did hurt my career. Not just when he died, but while he was still alive. He was promoted faster than I was, he was already up to captain when he died and I had just barely made lieutenant.”
“You weren’t promoted because you took the seal?” Amy seemed surprised.
“I don’t know if that’s why or not,” Brie replied. “But I’ve always thought that had something to do with it. Unfortunately there's a different set of rules out there for women. I graduated from the Academy before he did, and he was four yahrens younger than I was.”
The surprised look grew on Amy’s face. “I didn’t know that there was an age difference.”
Brie nodded. “Yeah, I stopped trusting guys older than me when I was 17.” She hoped Amy wouldn’t ask why. “But sometimes I wonder what would life have been like if I had never become a warrior. If I told them what to do with their special programs and went to work on, oh I don’t know, the Livestock Ship.”
Amy laughed. “Yeah, Brie, that would have been a great job for you, considering that you’re a vegetarian.”
“True,” Brie said with a smile. “And if it weren’t for that pre-Academy program you wouldn’t have been...um...I mean we might not have ever met.”
“Why?”
“It wouldn’t have thrown off my timing for entering the Academy,” Brie explained, purposely not telling Amy the real reason. “I wouldn’t have met Turner, I wouldn’t have cared that he had been murdered, I wouldn’t have had to fake insanity, Charybdis wouldn't have requested that I be assigned to the Callisto, which is of course where you and I first met. I wouldn’t have even known Charybdis.” Brie laughed. “So maybe it wouldn’t have been all bad.”
|
|
|
Post by Brie on Aug 30, 2005 12:32:25 GMT -6
“Don’t be so hard on poor Charybdis,” Amy suggested.
“Why not, he’s always been hard on me,” Brie replied. “He didn’t even like me when we first met. He was always looking at me funny. I think he was jealous or something.”
“Jealous of what?” Amy asked.
“He and Turner were really good friends,” Brie said. “Then Turner and I got together. For the longest time I felt like I had intruded or something. It was like Charybdis was trying to make me so uncomfortable that I would just go away. But eventually he got over it. I even actually thought we were friends. I realize now, though, that it was because he felt obligated to Turner that he had to keep an annoyingly close eye on me. But that’s over now. Any semblance of friendship that I ever thought that we had is gone.”
“Are you sure?” Amy wanted to know.
“Yeah,” Brie replied. “I really think that deep down Charybdis never liked me, and never will. And he goes behind my back and starts to date my daugh...dear friend? I really think he enjoyed the way that whole thing played out, making me look like a fool.”
|
|
|
Post by Amy81 on Sept 3, 2005 20:43:15 GMT -6
"I can't believe any of that about Charybdis" Amy replied. "Sometimes he's frustrating to try and figure out, but he has a heart of gold underneath it all. He'd never do anything on purpose to hurt somebody."
"Oh really?" Brie asked.
"I mean it" Amy insisted. "All during our relationship it was me that kept it from going smoothly. He was always there, whenever I got to thinking clearly enough to realize it."
"Then why didn't you take the seal with him?"
"I'm not sure" Amy replied. "I guess I have some trouble getting really serious with one man. I'm not sure why. I guess that's why I always seem to have more than one boyfriend."
"Seem to?"
Amy laughed. "Yeah, really! But Charybdis's offer to take the seal is still out there. If I go back I'll have to decide, cause I told him that very thing. I needed to go out, survive and return, before I could consider the seal."
"But you are nearly dead."
Amy nodded. "I know. But he'll wait. He's the only one who cared enough to offer the seal. And he did it twice. If I go back, he'll be the first face I see."
"Is he there now?"
"No, but there's been no change in my condition. If it changes, he'll be there."
"Was he your last visitor?" Brie asked.
Amy shook her head.
"Who was your last visitor?" Brie wanted to know.
Amy sat in silence. Finally it came out in a whisper. "Ange."
|
|
|
Post by Brie on Sept 5, 2005 16:51:28 GMT -6
“Ange,” Brie repeated with disgust.
“You really don’t like him, Brie,” Amy said again, “and it’s got nothing to do with being jealous. What’s really up?”
“You’re right,” Brie said. “I met him once before, yahrens ago, before you were born. He didn’t make a very good impression.”
“Why, what happened?” Amy wanted to know.
Brie took a deep breath. “He was rude and obnoxious and had violent tendencies.”
“Was he still a warrior?” Amy asked. “Before his injury?”
“Right after,” Brie replied. “He was in rehab.”
“That explains it,” Amy said. “Anyone coming off a career ending injury is bound to be a little bit cranky...”
“Don’t defend him, Amy.” Brie’s tone of voice was the same as a direct order. She paused. “He was very different when we met on the Agro Ship. I’m positive that he didn’t remember meeting me before.”
“I wish that you’d give him a chance,” Amy said quietly. “He’s always been the greatest to me. Almost like an uncle or some other blood relation. He cared more about me than my parents ever did. And he did tell me the stories that led to me wanting to become a warrior.”
“Okay, I’ll give him that much,” Brie relented. “He had a part in bringing you back into my life.”
“Back?” Amy repeated.
“Did I say back?” Brie tried to cover. “I must just be used to saying that, after the mission and thinking you were dead. I meant bringing you into my life.”
|
|
|
Post by Amy81 on Sept 7, 2005 5:45:59 GMT -6
"Well" Amy replied, "he did bring us together. If it wasn't for him I might never have left the Agro ship. So I'd lighten up on Ange. No matter how badly he behaved in the past, he's not like that now."
"Okay" Brie replied. "I'll back off on the Ange thing."
"Good."
They sat in silence for a few moments before Amy spoke again. "Of course, there's how he acted when he visited me."
"What?" Brie asked. "How did he act?"
Amy shrugged. "Sort of personal. Too personal. I thought it was just grief. He knows I credit him for my career choice. If he blames himself, it's understandable. Grief comes out in different ways I guess."
|
|