|
Post by Amy81 on Aug 12, 2005 5:07:05 GMT -6
"Did I ever tell you" Amy replied, "that I wished sometimes that you were my mother? My parents were there physically, but it was hardly a nuturing experience. I wondered a lot about why they even wanted a child in the first place, aside from the obvious reason of having someone to pass the farming legacy to."
"I'm sure they loved you" Brie replied.
"Yeah, I guess" Amy shrugged. "But you've guided me more in the few yahrens I've known you than they did raising me."
"I find that hard to believe" Brie said.
"It's true. And mom's going to find out pretty soon just what I really felt about all of them. And some other things she never had a clue about either."
"What do you mean?"
"I know my mom isn't on the Callisto" Amy declared. "I know why she hasn't okayed the harvesting of my organs. And right now she's found my diary and has begun reading it. She'll learn a thing or two about a lot of things now. Her and that two-faced godmother of mine."
"Amy!" Brie exclaimed.
"Yeah, I know. You don't get to see this side of me much. But then, I don't get the chance to peel back a few of the phony layers of lies we coat our lives with much either." She lowered her head, shaking it slowly, sadly. "My diary, Brie. Couldn't she at least wait until I was gone first? It's why I love you more than I'll ever love my mom. You aren't phony. There's nothing but truth between us."
|
|
|
Post by Brie on Aug 13, 2005 12:33:03 GMT -6
“You aren't phony. There's nothing but truth between us.”
“That depends on your definition of the word ‘truth’,” Brie said, the words leaving her mouth before she knew that she had said them. She regretted it immediately.
“I don’t understand,” Amy said.
“Well,” Brie started slowly, “if you don’t tell someone something, does that mean you’re not telling them the truth? Or are you not telling the truth only when you are purposely lying to someone?”
“I think that if there is something that someone should know but doesn’t, then they haven’t been told the truth,” was Amy’s reply.
“But who’s to decide what someone should know?” Brie asked. “What you might think you should know could be something that I DON’T think that you should know. Sometimes there’s a lot of power in the truth, for good and for bad.”
“But purposely keeping something from someone...”
“Take your diary, for example,” Brie said. “I’m assuming that it’s full of ‘truths.’ But I’m also assuming that these are ‘truths’ that you don’t really want your mother to know. The truth is that you wouldn’t want her to read it, at least not now, but she thinks that now she SHOULD read it. Maybe she thinks that if she gets to know your innermost thoughts a little bit better, she’ll be able to make that vital last decision in good conscious.”
“Or maybe she’s just being nosey,” Amy pointed out.
“Maybe.” Brie was silent for several microns. “I didn’t always tell you everything, you know.”
“Like what?” Amy was obviously surprised.
“Like...” Brie paused, trying to find the right words. “Like the fact that I couldn’t stand you being with Charybdis.”
“Why?” Amy asked.
“Several reasons,” Brie explained. “The first and foremost was that you were in two totally different places. He wanted to settle down and start a family at the same time you were telling me that you were ‘in love’ with him AND Najinn. Secretly, I was pulling for Najinn all along.”
“Why else?”
“Charybdis seems to have his own version of ‘the truth.’ He believes what he wants to believe, and no one can tell him otherwise. He told me that when you and he...before that last mission...it was two people in love saying goodbye. But I knew better than that. You hadn’t been together for a long time, in fact you had told me in your volunteer note that it was long over with him. Otherwise I never would have assigned you to the mission.” Brie paused. “And part of it was personal. I had gone through his bugging me about every decision I made that affected Astraea, and he had started to do the same thing with you as well. He can be really annoying.”
|
|
|
Post by Amy81 on Aug 14, 2005 13:36:25 GMT -6
"The way you speak of truth, Brie" Amy observed, "makes me wonder if there's something I should know that you haven't told me. Something more than your opinion of my boyfriends..." Amy smiled suddenly. "You actually were pulling for Najinn? I thought he was the one for a while. But we are all under tremendous pressures in the fleet, and he just changed in ways I couldn't accept. I do owe him so much though. I'll always care about him."
"And as for Charybdis, those pressures..." Amy continued, "I can't even begin to think how Charybdis manages them, or you as Major. I know that Charybdis treated me differently when it came to mission approval and all that, and I'm sorry that you two butted heads at all over me. It frustrated me too that he did that. We had a huge falling out because of it."
Amy looked off into the distance, as if looking for someone or something. But it was all unchanging, muted brilliance in all directions.
"But you are wrong about that night before the mission. I thought we were over. I was sure of it. But we talked and said our goodbyes, and he proposed the seal again. He didn't want me to go, but I knew I had to, that I had to go out there and come back if my life as a warrior was to have any merit. He accepted that, reluctantly. He was ready to go back to the bridge, but I stopped him. I was the one that started... well, you obviously know."
Brie just nodded in reply.
"I knew I probably wasn't coming back" Amy explained. "And what happened with Charybdis just grew out of that moment. Like I had one micron to live a lifetime in. Plus I knew I'd just lost one of my closest friends, and he was so full of life I just knew that if he could go, probably my number was up too."
"Who was that?" Brie wondered, trying to think back. So much had happened. So much...
"Artus" Amy replied. "He was lost in combat. Funny, I looked for him here but couldn't find him. Probably cause I'm not really GONE yet. But Artus and I had gotten pretty close after things cooled off with Charybdis."
"Not another boyfriend!" Brie laughed.
"Yeah" Amy smiled back. "It's a hobby. I collect them."
"It seems like you do!" Brie said.
Amy shrugged. "I don't mean to. It just happens. Don't forget I spent my entire childhood sheltered and hidden from the rest of the fleet. To some the fleet seems small and confining. To me, the day I enrolled in the academy my universe grew about 100 times bigger. For all the good it did me. If I'd stayed put, I'd be there now poking holes in the ground with my parents, probably taking the seal with the only eligible bachelor aboard."
"Who might that have been?"
"Ange of course!" Amy laughed.
|
|
|
Post by Brie on Aug 14, 2005 23:10:41 GMT -6
Although Brie wouldn’t have thought it possible, considering where they were, she started to cough with Amy’s words. “Brie, are you okay?” Amy asked, hitting her hard on the back.
“Yeah,” Brie replied, coughing a few more times. “Please tell me you’re kidding. You and Ange? He didn’t touch you, did he?”
Amy laughed. “It was a joke, my friend. Now that I think of it, I wasn’t aware that you even knew him.”
“Oh we’ve met,” Brie replied sarcastically. She took a deep breath to regain her composure. “He helped out on the Agro Ship. He’s a real hero, from what I’ve been told.”
“You don’t seem to like him very much,” Amy observed.
“No,” Brie said quickly. “It’s just, isn’t he a little bit OLD for you? And I thought Charybdis was robbing the cradle.”
“I told you, it was a joke,” Amy reminded her. “I owe him a lot, though. I don’t think I ever would have become a warrior if it wasn’t for Ange.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” Brie mumbled to herself.
“What did you say?” Amy asked.
“Nothing,” Brie replied. “So when do you want me to try to see your dad?”
|
|
|
Post by Amy81 on Aug 18, 2005 10:46:30 GMT -6
"My dad?" Amy replied, "You can try to talk to him any time I guess. But I'm not sure you'll have any luck either. He seems, I don't know, determined to carry his torments with him."
"I don't think that's the case" Brie answered.
"Well, if not that, then maybe he just doesn't want anything to do with me. Maybe he never did." Amy shrugged her shoulders.
"I guess I'll just have to try and find out" Brie said, "if you still want me to."
"Sure" Amy replied. After a pause, she added "You know something? I've been trying but I can't remember all that much about Ange. I knew him a long time, longer than my parents ever knew, but I can only remember the more recent things, like the way he inspired me to become a warrior."
"Do you have trouble with older memories?"
Amy shook her head. "No, and that's just it. I have a great memory, but when it comes to Ange, I seem to draw a blank." She shook her head again. "Even here, where we can know so much that we didn't know in life, I still have blank spots in my memories about him."
Brie grew serious. "Think hard, Amy. Really think. Try to come up with anything at all..."
Amy leaned back a little. "Why is it so important? It's all in my diary anyway, I'd imagine. You know, once I'd written a page I never went back and read it again. My mom will learn all the stuff I've forgotten, if I wrote it down. And if I go back, I can find out too. Then hit my mom over the head for reading it!"
|
|
|
Post by Brie on Aug 19, 2005 18:29:19 GMT -6
“Tell you what,” Brie said. “You keep thinking, trying to come up with your earliest recollections of Ange, and I’ll try to talk to your dad.”
“Why is Ange so important?” Amy asked. “As I said before, it’s probably in my diary.”
Brie thought fast. “I’m just curious about everything that happened that led up to your becoming a warrior. You’re my best friend, Amy. I want to know how you ended up in my life.”
Amy almost blushed. “You’re so sweet. Good luck with Dad.”
“Thanks.”
Brie walked off, taking one look back at Amy. She wasn’t sure which in direction she should go. She just went. She was looking for another bright light, but couldn’t find one. She saw something strange, one spot darker than the rest. She headed towards it. Sitting under it, staring at his feet, was Elmer. “Can we talk, or are you going to push me away too?”
Elmer grunted. “Don’t see what good it will do for me to tell you to go away. From what I always heard, you’re the pushy type.”
“Dam...darn right,” Brie said, correcting herself. She sat next to Elmer. “Why don’t you want to see your daughter?”
“I don’t HAVE a daughter,” Elmer said quickly. He wouldn’t look directly at Brie. “Never have. Just some girl that I raised for you, that’s all.”
“Cut the felgercarb, Elmer,” Brie said, not caring about her language. “From the moment she was born Amy has been your daughter. Yours and Abby’s. I NEVER did anything to change that.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Elmer said. “Now that she’s here, she knows everything about being adopted and all.”
“No she doesn’t,” Brie said softly.
Elmer looked up, surprised. “Why not? I thought that they let us know stuff that we wouldn’t have known otherwise. It makes no sense.”
“Maybe because it doesn’t matter how she was born,” Brie replied. “It’s not important. You’re her family, not me. I’ll never be more to her than a friend, and that’s the way it should be.”
“How could her birthparents not be important?” Elmer wondered.
“Elmer,” Brie said slowly, “did Abby ever tell you how Amy was conceived?”
Elmer looked down again, embarrassed. “I always figured that it was none of my business. Although I can’t say I approve, a seventeen yahren old girl behaving like...”
“I was raped, Elmer,” Brie said plainly. “Do you think that Amy would want to know something like that? That she came into existence because of some drunken bastard?”
"I’m sorry,” was Elmer’s reply. “Knowing Amy, she’d somehow blame herself.”
“I agree,” Brie said.
“So if she doesn’t want to talk to me about her adoption, why DOES she want to see to me?”
Brie rolled her eyes. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because you’re her father and she loves you? Talk to her, Elmer. You owe it to her.”
Elmer sighed. “I’ll think about it.”
Brie stood up. “Don’t wait too long. If they harvest her organs, she’ll be moving on to the next level, and you’ll have missed your chance, since you need to make peace with yourself before you can move on.”
“Major Brie,” Elmer called after her, “just what are YOU doing here anyway? You’re supposed to go back.”
“I’m putting that off as long as possible,” was Brie’s reply. She walked away, looking again for a brighter light.
|
|
|
Post by Amy81 on Aug 19, 2005 20:38:52 GMT -6
Amy looked up hopefully as Brie returned. "Any luck?" she asked as Brie sat down next to her.
"I don't know" Brie replied. "I think I got through to him, but he's stubborn, and full of self pity. I can't say what he'll do, but I told him he didn't have much time to decide."
Amy nodded. "True enough. But mom's buried herself in my diary, so I should have a little while before she get's around to approving my organ donating."
It was Brie's turn to nod. "So, come up with any memories of Ange?"
"Hades no" Amy replied. "I haven't tried too hard to think about him. I mean, I wonder what's up with the blank spots in my memory, but my frackin' dad is here somewhere and he won't talk to me. Why should I waste time thinking about what Ange did to me..."
"Did to you?"
"WITH me. I meant to say 'with me'. As in me and him? Talking? Telling me stories?" Amy grew silent for a moment. "Odd choice of words, though, huh?" she said with a half chuckle.
"You sure you don't remember anything?" Brie pressed.
Amy thought hard. "I almost thought I had something a millicenton ago. But I can't get a hold on it. The harder I think about it, the farther away it gets. Strange how some things are kept from us, even here. Certain things about my dad that don't add up, and now this stuff with Ange... I wonder why that is?"
|
|
|
Post by Brie on Aug 21, 2005 14:59:04 GMT -6
“Well maybe if we try talking casually about him something will come to you,” Brie suggested. “What’s the earliest thing that you DO remember about Ange? Something that you don’t have to try to think about.”
“Just talking,” Amy replied.
“About what?” Brie asked. “Did he do or say anything that made you feel uncomfortable?”
“You really don’t like him very much,” Amy observed.
“It’s not that,” Brie said quickly. “I’ve only been introduced to Ange once. But think of it from my point of view. I had just returned from a suicide mission where I had been forced to leave good friends behind. I was dealing with that and another lapse in judgment...”
“What lapse in judgment?” Amy asked.
Brie smiled slightly, thinking about her time with Justin on the Galactica. “It has nothing to do with this. Anyway, I’m then arrested, I’m tried, convicted and sentenced, having no idea whatsoever that it’s actually part of Commander Apollo’s plan. While I’m in the brig, my reputation already trashed, I’m drugged, kidnapped and dragged to the Agro Ship. While there I’m shot FOUR times, attacked by your agro workers friends, and think I’m going to bleed to death. It didn’t stop me, though, from finding the bomb and figuring out how to get rid of the thing before more people were killed. I then collapse and almost die. But who is the hero of the whole thing? Ange, because he was able to point out to Justin where the pitchforks were kept! Can you blame me for being a little bit jealous?”
“You, jealous of Ange?” Amy laughed. “If anything he would be jealous of you. He used to be a warrior, you know.”
“Until his knee injury,” Brie said.
Amy looked blankly at Brie. “How did you know about that? I don’t remember telling you...”
“Who knows why we know things here that we shouldn’t have known otherwise?” Brie covered. “So, what do you remember talking to him about?”
|
|
|
Post by Amy81 on Aug 22, 2005 16:58:59 GMT -6
Amy shrugged. "Just stuff. I do remember a little, now that I'm thinking about it."
"Like what?" Brie wanted to know.
Amy shrugged again. "I remember that it had to be a secret that I was there. I had to sneak to visit him."
"Why was that?"
"He'd get in trouble. No kids allowed in security."
"That's what he told you?" Brie asked.
"Yeah" Amy said. "Pretty sure. It was a long time ago though." She suddenly stiffened. "Oh boy."
"What?"
"Mom's learning about Em. I can feel it." Amy shuddered. "Good. She deserves it for poking around in my diary. Let her learn about her back stabbing best friend."
"Learn what?"
Amy shook her head. "I don't know. I remember Aunt Em being shifty and twofaced, but about what I can't seem to recall. She forgot my fracking novayahren more than once, I remember that much."
"Anything more about Ange?" Brie prompted, trying to get Amy focused again.
Amy shook her head, then her eyes widened. "I do remember getting sleepy over there a lot. I think he kept it too warm in there. I'd doze off a lot after lunch. Pretty rude of me actually. He'd be sitting there telling me stories, then he'd have to wake me up so I'd be home by dinner! It's a wonder he didn't take the hint and stop telling me stories, the way he always put me to sleep like that."
|
|
|
Post by Brie on Aug 23, 2005 9:45:35 GMT -6
“What did you have for lunch with him?” Brie asked. “Anything special to eat...or drink?”
“Ange always had this really sweet drink,” Amy replied. “It was really good, I had never tasted anything like it. He didn’t drink any of it, he was allergic to it, but he always had some on hand for me.”
“Was it alcoholic?” Brie wondered.
“Brie, I was nine yahrens old!” Amy seemed surprised. “Of course it wasn’t alcohol.”
“Sorry,” Brie said.
“Nine, that was one of the novayahrens that my godmother forgot,” Amy said more to herself than to Brie.
“That can happen,” Brie said. “I even forgot my own novayahren this past time. It was several cycles later when I remembered.”
“Don’t defend her,” Amy pleaded. “She had no excuse.”
“Sorry,” Brie said again. “You really don’t like your godmother all that much, do you?”
“No,” Amy said. “She...she...it was almost there, but now it’s gone. First with my dad, then Ange, and now my godmother. Why am I having such a hard time remembering things?”
“I don’t know,” Brie said.
“Maybe we should go back and read my diary,” Amy suggested with a laugh. “Then we’d both know what I’m forgetting!”
|
|