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Post by Amy81 on Nov 9, 2006 13:33:54 GMT -6
Amy nodded, her mind trying to make everything fit together somehow. But it wasn't happening. She felt lost, alone, and unsure of herself more than she ever had before.
"I just don't know what to say" she admitted truthfully, her voice still soft and full of pain. What she wanted was for Brie to hold her and tell her everything would be okay, but she knew it would never happen. Any maternal insticts when it came to Amy were severed a long time ago. Whatever Amy had hoped to find or receive when this discussion came around were not going to materialize, that much was certain. Had the demon known this when they struck their deal? That gaining knowledge that she should not have would make her life worse instead of better? That Brie could never bring herself to call Amy 'daughter'? They could go around all yarhen and never get any closer to it, Amy realized bitterly.
I really am a brat. A motherless female daggit brat.... "But I said I'd drop it. I won't look for anything from you Major, I promise."
Abby, Ange, Brie... wasn't there anyone who--
"How's Artus doing?" Amy asked, seemingly out of the blue, suddenly remembering the one person who the demon insisted cared deeply for her. Or had that been all a ruse too...?
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Post by Brie on Nov 9, 2006 19:54:04 GMT -6
"But I said I'd drop it. I won't look for anything from you Major, I promise." Stop calling me that, Brie thought to herself. Brie opened her mouth to answer, to tell Amy that they could talk about it anytime, when Amy suddenly changed the subject. "How's Artus doing?"
Artus. How should she answer that one? He had openly declared his love for Amy right before the shooting. “That depends,” she started slowly. “How are things between you and Charybdis?”
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Post by Amy81 on Nov 11, 2006 19:26:18 GMT -6
Amy opened her mouth to reply, then thought better of it. She wasn't going to be drawn into that sort of conversation only to be thought of as a brat. Brie said she didn't mean it, but Amy knew it was true.
Motherless female daggit brat...
Instead, she shrugged her shoulders. "Artus was kind enough to stop by before my operation, Major" she explained. "He didn't look too good last I saw him, and I wondered how he was. Also he should know that there isn't a restriction on who can visit me, and I was hoping he might stop by. If it isn't a bother, could you let him know that he's allowed to? All of gold for that matter..."
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Post by Brie on Nov 12, 2006 8:44:05 GMT -6
Okay, she doesn't want to talk about Charybdis, Brie thought to herself. Point taken. “Artus is fine,” she said carefully. “Physically, at least. He’s had a hard time of it, because he didn’t realize that he was gone two yahrens. Life goes on, you know?”
Brie paused. “He’s had more to recover from than that. He was involved in an accidental shooting.” She paused again. “We were talking, trying to sort through his missing yahrens, and I shot him. There was a crawlon on the wall...Amy, you remember that whole mess a few yahrens back, and without thinking I shot at the fracking thing. The trajectory was off on my weapon, and Artus was hit.” Brie paused for a third time. She remembered it all so clearly, talking with Artus, the crawlon, Artus falling and bleeding everywhere......but somehow her story seemed rehearsed. It was like she was watching something on IFB, not her own memories. “But he’s fine now, fully recovered, and he’s about to return to full duty. I will definitely let him know that you want to see him.” Brie’s comm buzzed, signaling that she had a message, but since it didn’t signify urgent she ignored it.
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Post by Amy81 on Nov 12, 2006 18:01:32 GMT -6
Amy was surprised to hear that Artus had been shot, by Brie of all people. But she was relieved to know that he was going to be okay, and that Brie would let him know that he could come by and visit. She wanted to see him in the worst way.
"Thanks, Major" Amy said. "I appreciate it." She nodded, then grew still as a silence began to stretch. We used to talk about everything, and now I'm afraid to open my mouth...
"You actually shot him?" she asked, the truth having a hard time sinking in. "I sure missed a lot while I was gone. I understand how Artus must feel to have a chunk of your life go missing. Imagine waking up from a coma pregnant." Then lose the baby and everything else too, she nearly added. She looked at Brie, wanting to say a million things to her, but instead stayed silent.
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Post by Brie on Nov 13, 2006 9:27:33 GMT -6
Brie stared at Amy. "I'm sorry about the baby," she said sincerely, realizing guiltily that she had failed it mentioned it before. Amy's child, Brie's grandchild, lost forever. How could she have been so selfish, turned the entire conversation into what she had done with her own child? There were several microns of uncomfortable silence before her comm beeped again. Brie checked it quickly. "Fracking thing, if they want my attention so badly why don't they mark it urgent?" She stopped the beeping and continued to ignore it.
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Post by Amy81 on Nov 13, 2006 12:00:39 GMT -6
Amy stared at Brie. When she had put the comlink away and looked back up, their gazes locked for a moment. And just for that one moment Amy remembered what it was like to have Brie for a friend and a commanding officer and an advisor and everything else she had been for so many yarhens. The feeling caught Amy by surprise, but then all the truth clouded it back over again.
Amy looked down, remembering the excitement of having a child growing inside her. A girl. The demon had said it was a girl. And in her blind fury Amy had shunned the final chance for salvation the demon had offered her child, and the baby, her daughter, was lost forever. Could the demon have undid all that the cylons had done to her? Could he have saved the baby?
"I'm sorry too" Amy said as her face twisted in grief. "It all should have been beautiful." Tears again began to flow. "Nothing has gone right. Nothing."
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Post by Brie on Nov 13, 2006 14:24:20 GMT -6
Brie stared at Amy. All she wanted to do was take her in her arms and hold her close, tell her that everything would be all right, but she couldn’t. She had given up all rights to call herself Amy’s mother a long time ago. They were all coming back, the feelings that this was her child and that she, as her mother, would do anything that she could to help. Those emotions weren’t buried nearly a deeply as Brie had tried. But it was no longer her place, it was Abby’s.
Brie got up from her chair and sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s okay,” she said, knowing how hollow it sounded. Although the desire to hold Amy grew stronger by the micron, instead Brie just placed her hand on top of Amy’s. It was ice cold.
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Post by Amy81 on Nov 13, 2006 17:48:27 GMT -6
Amy pulled back her hand, and stared at Brie for a moment. She rubbed the spot where Brie had touched her, a reminder of how much things had changed. They used to be so close, like sisters, and now that they both understood who they really were, they were farther apart than ever.
Amy spoke, her voice shaking from the crying. "No, it's not okay." She tried to get herself under control. "Major, I know I said I wouldn't ask you for anything, but... I need you to promise me something...."
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Post by Brie on Nov 13, 2006 18:17:24 GMT -6
Frack! Brie thought as Amy pulled away her hand and wiped it off. I’m not that bad, am I? And it’s not like I have cooties or anything...frack, why did I do that? Amy’s actions had spoken volumes. She didn’t want a new mother, she didn’t even want a friend in Brie anymore.
"Major, I know I said I wouldn't ask you for anything, but... I need you to promise me something...."
“What do you need?” Brie started slowly, staring at Amy. She had a feeling that she wouldn’t like the request.
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